


Birds Of A Feather

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29704110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: When a friend and fellow cop fails to keep a witness in protective custody alive, Starsky and Hutch begin to wonder if there is more that is going on than incompetence.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	Birds Of A Feather


    BIRDS OF A FEATHER	
    
    Season 4, Episode 15
    
    Original Airdate: January 30, 1979
    
    Teleplay by: Rick Edelstein and Amanda J. Green
    Story by: Amanda J. Green
    Directed by: Charlie Picerni
    Created by: William Blinn
    
    Summary: When a friend and fellow cop fails to keep a witness in protective custody alive, Starsky and Hutch begin to wonder if there is more that is going on than incompetence. 
    
    
    
    Cast:
    
    
    
    
    
    David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson
    
    
    
    
    
    Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky
    
    
    
    
    
    Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear
    
    
    
    
    
    Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey
    
    
    
    
    
    Allan Arbus ... Anthony Reuban
    
    
    
    
    
    Martin Kove ... Jimmy Lucas
    
    
    
    
    
    Charles Cyphers ... Detective Webster
    
    
    
    
    
    Barbara Stuart ... Doris Huntley
    
    
    
    
    
    John P. Ryan ... Detective Luke Huntley (as John Ryan)
    
    
    
    
    
    Sy Kramer ... Palmer
    
    
    
    
    
    Victoria Peters ... Gloria
    
    
    
    
    
    Ruth Forman ... Hotel Clerk
    
    
    
    
    
    Marki Bey ... Officer Minnie Kaplan
    
    
    
    
    
    Anne Ramsey ... Evon / Gertrude
    
    
    
    
    
    Ben Marino ... Dealer
    
    
    
    
    
      
    
      
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
      **Interior - Night - Squad Room**
    
    
    
    STARSKY: Come on, sweetheart.
    
    GERTRUDE: What are you doing?
    
    STARSKY: Here we go.
    
    HUTCH: Come on, now. Come on.
    
    GERTRUDE: But this is entirely unnecessary, officer.
    
    HUTCH: Not according to Mr. Kramer.
    
    GERTRUDE: Oh, that old fuddy-duddy. Well, I never liked him anyway.
    
    STARSKY: Why were you looking in his bedroom window?
    
    GERTRUDE: He was in my line of vision.
    
    HUTCH: There's a chair here. 
    
    STARSKY: If you're standing on a rock knee-deep behind a bush, it is.
    
    HUTCH: Would you kindly sit down, please?
    
    GERTRUDE: Heh.
    
    STARSKY: Take a seat, ma'am.
    
    HUTCH: Please. 
    
    GERTRUDE: Well, what-- Well, what am I being charged with?
    
    HUTCH: Voyeurism, public nuisance and peeping Tom.
    
    GERTRUDE: The name's Gertrude.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, peeping Gertrude. No sexism here.
    
    HUTCH: Luke. Luke. Excuse me.
    
    STARSKY: Ha-ha. How do you like that?
    
    HUNTLEY: Kenny, what are you doing?
    
    HUTCH: You're looking wonderful.
    
    HUNTLEY: Yeah, you always were a good liar, kid.
    
    GERTRUDE: Are you charging me with taking a peep at a skinny old man with a strawberry birthmark, while those two guys are carrying on like that in public?
    
    STARSKY: Well, their turn will come, I'm sure.
    
    GERTRUDE: And I'm sure it already has.
    
    STARSKY: Uh, yeah. May I have your full name and address, please?
    
    GERTRUDE: I want a public defender.
    
    STARSKY: Just your name and address. I promise you we won't hold it against you.
    
    HUTCH: Busted again? What are you doing in this precinct?
    
    HUNTLEY: Captain Dobey wants to see me. Like a good cop, I go where they-- They send me.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, he's lost a lot of weight.
    
    HUNTLEY: Oh, really? I like him fat.
    
    HUTCH: Well, I'm also a good liar.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Dobey's Office**
    
    DOBEY: Well, Luke.
    
    HUNTLEY: Hey.
    
    DOBEY: What's the big joke?
    
    HUTCH: Well, it loses a little bit in the translation, Captain. I thought I'd escort one of the west side's finest.
    
    HUNTLEY: Good to see you, Captain. I'm temporarily assigned to your outfit.
    
    HUTCH: That's a break for the home team.
    
    DOBEY: Are you still here, Hutchinson?
    
    HUTCH: Captain, you know that Luke is one of the reasons I'm on the force. I don't think he'd mind if I--
    
    DOBEY: All right, all right, all right. I won't hold that against him. Now, Luke, here's the situation: I've got four homicides and 12 robberies, and we're a little short, and we, uh, need some help.
    
    HUNTLEY: You got it. I hope it's a major collar.
    
    DOBEY: We have a deal going with a snitch named Palmer. Going to court to blow the whistle on Reuban for us loud and clear.
    
    HUNTLEY: All right. You want me to go get Reuban, huh? I love that. Every cop on the street wants a piece of that bum.
    
    DOBEY: Uh. Not exactly, Luke. We want you to guard Palmer at the St. Francis starting tomorrow.
    
    HUNTLEY: You, uh… You transferred me here to babysit?
    
    HUTCH: Hey, Luke, look... Luke, this thing is a major setup. They needed somebody with experience  to hold off any attack on Palmer. You know Reuban's boys may try to wipe him out.
    
    HUNTLEY: Save the soap, Hutch. 
    
    HUTCH: Well, I-
    
    HUNTLEY: Twenty-five years on the force, I gotta diaper some punk. 
    
    HUTCH: Okay, okay, I understand. I understand. 
    
    HUNTLEY: It's all in a day's work, right, Captain? Right.
    
    DOBEY: Right. 
    
    HUNTLEY: You got it, Cap. Tomorrow at St. Francis.
    
    DOBEY: Thanks, Luke. You'll be relieving Edwards at 12 tomorrow.
    
    HUTCH: What's the room number? Is that 307?
    
    DOBEY: 307.
    
    HUTCH: 307.
    
    HUNTLEY: You're welcome. As if I had a choice.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    HUNTLEY: Ah, let's go get a beer, huh, kid?
    
    HUTCH: Sounds like a good idea. Let me check the time. Well, it is the end of the run. Let's pick up my partner, huh? See you later, Captain.
    
    DOBEY: All right.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Squad Room**
    
    KAPLAN: Come on, dear. Follow me.
    
    GERTRUDE: To where? You're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.
    
    KAPLAN: No, no. We're just gonna book you. Prints and pictures. Then you can make bail.
    
    GERTRUDE: Is she lying?
    
    STARSKY: Minnie never lies.
    
    KAPLAN: You see? Now, come on, honey, let's get out the door. That's a girl.
    
    STARSKY: There you go. You take care now. Yeah. Keep your eyes open there, Gertrude. Bye-bye, Yvonne.
    
    HUTCH: Thought it was Gertrude.
    
    STARSKY: Only to strangers.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah? Starsk, say hello to Luke Huntley.
    
    STARSKY: Luke who?
    
    HUTCH: Right behind you. Luke.
    
    STARSKY: Right behind me, huh?
    
    HUTCH: Remember Luke? 
    
    STARSKY: How are ya, Lucas? Of course I remember.
    
    HUNTLEY: Taught you everything you know. How are you?
    
    HUNTLEY: I taught him so good he's a sergeant first class in seven years.
    
    HUTCH: He never got out of first grade
    
    STARSKY: He's still buying lousy ties, I'll tell you that.
    
    HUNTLEY: Come on, I'll buy you guys a beer.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, you're going the wrong way.
    
    HUNTLEY: Oh, it's the wrong way.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - The Pits**
    
    HUTCH: Well, Luke, this here's Huggy Bear. Luke Huntley. Our friendly proprietor and, uh, friend in need.
    
    HUGGY: Yeah, he talks too much. Have a brew, Luke.
    
    HUNTLEY: Thank you, Huggy Bear.
    
    HUGGY: Hey, please, please, no formalities. Just call me Mr. Huggy.
    
    STARSKY: Get out of here, will you?
    
    HUGGY: Hey, talk nice to me, Starsky. Tonight you're drinking my beer. Tomorrow you'll be asking me to be your man about town.
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hm.
    
    HUGGY: Despite my tough exterior, I can be hurt.
    
    HUTCH: So, Luke, how's Doris doing?
    
    HUNTLEY: Take my advice, boys. Don't ever get married.
    
    HUTCH: What are you talking about? You've always been the happiest of couples, huh? Come on.
    
    HUNTLEY: Right, that's true, but… I mean, uh, you know, a cop's life… I didn't even give her a kid.
    
    HUTCH: Listen to him talk. He's got a wife who got enough love for him for 10 kids.
    
    HUNTLEY: Right. Don't get me wrong. I mean, I… I love her like my right hand, kid, but… And that's my shooting finger. But, I mean, a cop's life-- I mean, you guys know what I'm talking about. Right? I mean, a cop's on the street more than he's in the bedroom, right?
    
    HUTCH: Is she still beautiful? Hm?
    
    HUNTLEY: More than ever.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah? Let me see. Oh, yeah. Look at that.
    
    STARSKY: Who's this? Your sister?
    
    HUNTLEY: Here's to Doris.
    
    HUTCH: I'll drink to that.
    
    HUNTLEY: Okay.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Poker Game**
    
    PLAYER: I'll bet three.
    
    DEALER: The bet is 300. Three hundred to you, Mrs. Huntley. Mrs. Huntley... 300.
    
    DORIS: I see your three and raise you five.
    
    DEALER: Excuse me, Mrs. Huntley, but you only put in 200.
    
    DORIS: Well-- I'm all out of chips. Uh-- Write me a chit. I -you can trust me. I-I mean, I-I've certainly been playing here long enough for you to trust me.
    
    REUBAN: Mrs. Huntley's a favored client. Make out a chit.
    
    DEALER: Certainly, Mr. Reuban.
    
    DORIS: Thank you.
    
    DEALER: The bet is covered. The raise is now 500. All bets are covered. Declare your hands to the raiser.
    
    DORIS: Read 'em and weep. Three ladies.
    
    PLAYER: I hate to be rude to a lady, but a full house beats you.
    
    DORIS: Congratulations. Excuse me.
    
    REUBAN: Are you all right?
    
    DORIS: Yes. I'm just fine, Mr. Reuban. It's getting a little late, and I-I'm just tired, that's all. I'd better be getting home.
    
    REUBAN: Of course. Why don't you just step into my office for a second, and I'll have them bring your car around.
    
    REUBAN: Please, sit down. I'm going to ask you to sign this, Mrs. Huntley. "Of my own free will and volition, I--" Write your name in here. "--Doris Huntley, agree to pay Mr. Anthony Reuban the sum of $12,000 in payments of $1,000 per week for 12 consecutive weeks commencing the first Monday from the above date." Thank you, Mrs. Huntley. You had a bit of a bad run of luck tonight, that's all. Maybe next time, huh? Jimmy, you wanna witness this?
    
    DORIS: I, uh… I really should be going.
    
    REUBAN: Sure. See you next week?
    
    DORIS: I might take some time off, stay away for a while. I don't know. 
    
    REUBAN: The Greek islands are sensational this time of year.
    
    DORIS: I'm sure they are. 
    
    REUBAN: The payments begin next week, Mrs. Huntley. You won't forget, will you? A thousand dollars a week for 12 weeks.
    
    DORIS: I… I really don't understand h--how there came to be so much.
    
    REUBAN: Well, the chits have been piling up for close to three months, Mrs. Huntley. Add to that the current rate of interest, it comes to 12,000 on the nose.
    Right, Jimmy?
    
    LUCAS: Right on the nose, Mr. Reuban.
    
    REUBAN: Next Monday, Mrs. Huntley. Look, if it's inconvenient for you to come by, I suppose I can always send Jimmy. What's your address now?
    
    DORIS: Uh… It's, uh...
    
    LUCAS: Y-your address.
    
    DORIS: 1435 Allerton.
    
    LUCAS: I'll remember it. 
    
    REUBAN: I don't think we'll have any problems, do you, Jimmy?
    
    LUCAS: As long as she's not lying. I better check out the address just to make sure.
    
    REUBAN: Good idea. Do that.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Huntleys' House**
    
    DORIS: Luke? Luke, are you-- are you home?
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Huntleys' House**
    
    HUTCH: Hey, this is a great-looking place you got here, Luke. 
    
    STARSKY: Compared to Hutch's dump, it looks like the Taj Mahal.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Huntleys' House**
    
    LUKE: Hey, honey!
    
    DORIS: Yeah.
    
    HUNTLEY: Honey. Honey, guess-- guess what the cat dragged in. Look at this. 
    
    HUTCH: How you doing?
    
    HUNTLEY: You remember Kenny Hutchinson?
    
    DORIS: Sure. Yes. It's nice to see you again. How are you, Hutch? You haven't changed a bit.
    
    HUTCH: You have. You're looking better than ever.
    
    DORIS: Oh, my.
    
    HUTCH: Doris, meet my partner, Dave Starsky. Doris Huntley.
    
    DORIS: Oh, Mr. Starsky.
    
    STARSKY: Hi. I've seen your picture. It doesn't hold a candle to you.
    
    DORIS: Thank goodness.
    
    HUNTLEY: Since when did you start watching television and listening to the radio at the same time?
    
    DORIS: Oh. Guess I just got a little lonesome for you.
    
    HUNTLEY: Huh. You feeling okay? Hey, you know, she-- She just got in.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    DORIS: You know, uh, I-- I really don't feel so good, Luke. Maybe it's the flu or something. You know, that 24-hour thing that's going around.
    
    HUNTLEY: Yeah?
    
    DORIS: You know… I really think I should go to bed, don't you? Except I just-- I-- I feel so terrible. You bringing Hutch home.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, Doris, don't give it a thought. You take care of yourself. We'll-- We'll do it another time.
    
    DORIS: Oh, you promise?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah.
    
    DORIS: Next time you'll stay for dinner?
    
    HUTCH: I'd love to. Love to.
    
    DORIS: Okay. Nice meeting you, Mr. Starsky.
    
    STARSKY: Dave. Feel better.
    
    DORIS: Thanks. I will. 
    
    HUNTLEY: I'll-- I'll see you in a minute, okay, honey? Yeah. Well, boys. Excuse me, darling.
    
    DORIS: Excuse me.
    
    HUNTLEY: Hey, fella, how you doing?
    
    HUTCH: Okay, old man.
    
    LUKE: I'm sorry, boys.
    
    HUTCH: That's all right. We'll make it next time.
    
    HUNTLEY: Okay. See you. Good night. Stay well.
    
    HUTCH: Your keys. Don't lose them.
    
    HUNTLEY: All right. Thanks a million.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Huntleys' House**
    
    HUTCH: She got sick in a hurry, didn't she?
    
    STARSKY: Yep. Well, you're the family friend. How would you diagnose it?
    
    HUTCH: I don't think I want to.
    
    STARSKY: Hm.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Huntleys' House**
    
    DORIS: I don't know what to say. I love you, Luke. I hate myself.
    
    HUNTLEY: Hey, wait a minute. Now, stop that. It's okay.
    
    DORIS: No, it isn't. I just felt so useless. All that time… nothing to do. Just waiting for you to come home. I just-- I just wanted to be with people, Luke. I just wanted-- to be somewhere. I didn't mean to. I just started playing a little poker in Gardena. And then it was 10 years and $50,000 later.
    
    HUNTLEY: All our savings? Everything?
    
    DORIS: Yes. My rings. And now $12,000 more.
    
    HUNTLEY: It's all right.
    
    DORIS: No, it isn't. It isn't, and you know it!
    
    HUNTLEY: All right, so it stinks! It's my fault too, Doris.
    
    DORIS: No, it isn't. No--
    
    HUNTLEY: Now, listen, Doris.
    
    DORIS: No. No, it isn't, Luke.
    
    HUNTLEY: You're my wife, Doris. Come on, sweetheart. Don't. Please. Don't hate yourself. Everything will be all right. I promise.
    
    DORIS: How? How? I don't know what to do, Luke. I don't know what to do.
    
    HUNTLEY: Do nothing. If anything, after all these years as a cop's wife, it's me.
    
    DORIS: No.
    
    HUNTLEY: Yes, I-- I owe you, Doris.
    
    DORIS: No, you don't.
    
    HUNTLEY: Oh, yes. Maybe-- Maybe we can go to the movies or something like that this afternoon, huh?
    
    DORIS: Oh, Luke. You are crazy. I love you. Oh. What about Reuban? He scares me, Luke.
    
    HUNTLEY: I'll talk to Reuban. Don't worry, honey. I may not be the smartest cop in the world, but I know a few things.
    
    DORIS: Just don't hurt yourself. Don't get hurt.
    
    HUNTLEY: I'm just gonna go down there and talk to him. He'll listen to my point of view. Don't worry. I'll work things out. I love you. I'll work things out, honey. I will.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Reuban's Office**
    
    REUBAN: What are you gonna do, call the cops?
    
    HUNTLEY: Twenty-five years. It-- That's-- That's my life's savings. No way. I want it back, Reuban. Understand? Every dime you took from her. I'll make you a trade.
    
    REUBAN: Yeah? With what?
    
    HUNTLEY: My money. Your life.
    
    REUBAN: I think maybe you should explain what's on your mind, Officer Huntley.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - In the Torino**
    
    HUTCH: Finally. I don't believe it. A warrant for Reuban.
    
    STARSKY: I know you're excited, but do you have to drool on my seat?
    
    HUTCH: Oh. Hey, what's a little drool among friends, huh?
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Reuban's Office**
    
    REUBAN: Okay.
    
    HUNTLEY: Now... what about the 50,000 she lost?
    
    REUBAN: You'll get it when Jimmy is permitted visiting rights.
    
    HUNTLEY: Okay. Okay. Just, uh-- Just one more thing. If my wife ever comes around here again, you turn her away, agreed?
    
    REUBAN: I never asked her to come here… and I don't intend to. She's your problem, Huntley, not mine. And Huntley, remember this. If anything goes wrong at the St. Francis Hotel, Jimmy will be happy to visit your wife. What was that address again, Jimmy?
    
    LUCAS: 1435 Allerton.
    
    REUBAN: Get yourself a clean piece, Jimmy.
    
    
    **Ex** **terior - Day - Reuban's Office**
    
    STARSKY: Figure Reuban's gonna resist?
    
    HUTCH: I certainly hope so.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Reuban's Office**
    
    HUTCH: Mr. Reuban, a warrant for your arrest.
    
    GLORIA: I'm sorry, Mr. Reuban.
    
    REUBAN: It's all right, Gloria. Thank you. Shall we go?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, come on, Tony. No protest? No resistance? No "you've got me all wrong, trying to frame me" routine?
    
    REUBAN: In the face of a legitimate warrant, Officer, that would be a waste of energy, don't you think?
    
    HUTCH: That's too bad.
    
    REUBAN: Besides, I pay my attorneys very well. Why don't I let them straighten out the confusion.
    
    STARSKY: Not this time, Reuban. This time, your attorney's gonna strike out and you're gonna get kicked out of the ballpark.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - St. Francis Hotel**
    
    PALMER: Hey, look, if it weren't for guys like me, then cops like you would be out of a job. Think of it that way.
    
    HUNTLEY: Some other time, Palmer. Right now I'm going down to the lobby. Pick up some magazines.
    
    PALMER: What, and leave me all by myself? Ain't that kind of against the policy?
    
    HUNTLEY: Count your blessings, Palmer, that you lived this long.
    
    PALMER: I don't know how to count. Hey, uh, buddy. Pick me up a pack of smokes while you're down there, would you? Hey. Just because you don't like me--
    
    HUNTLEY: Don't like you? What's not to like? A two-bit hustler who'd sell a radio to a deaf man and his wife to the highest bidder?
    
    PALMER: Filters. Okay? And, uh… keep the change.
    
    PALMER: What's the matter? Did you forget to say, "I love you"? Hey, Jimmy, look… if Reuban sent you, I ain't planning to tell 'em any of the real stuff. No. I'm just setting the cops up so I can get myself off a murder rap. Hey, Jimmy, take it easy. I'm your old friend. I used to go with you to the track. Remember?
    
    LUCAS: Reuban sends his regards.
    
    
    **E** **xterior - Day - St. Francis Hotel**
    
    STARSKY: What's the word, Henderson?
    
    HENDERSON: Bullet went in like a half a dollar at the speed of sound. Came out leaving a hole in the back big enough for an air conditioner.
    
    STARSKY: A magnum?
    
    HENDERSON: No, a .45. Blew him right through the third floor window.
    
    HUTCH: Thanks.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - St. Francis Hotel**
    
    HUTCH: What do you got, Webster?
    
    WEBSTER: What have I got? What I haven't got is worse than what I've got.
    
    STARSKY: What's that supposed to mean?
    
    HUTCH: Hey, where's Luke? Where's Luke Huntley?
    
    WEBSTER: Your partner just answered the question.
    
    HUTCH: What do you mean?
    
    WEBSTER: It stinks. It all stinks.
    
    STARSKY: Save the editorial. Tell us what happened.
    
    WEBSTER: Luke, uh, Huntley is supposed to guard Palmer, our star witness. Palmer gets dead, and there's no veteran cop in sight.
    
    HUTCH: What are you talking about, Webster?
    
    WEBSTER: There's only two ways to get by a cop with 25 years' experience behind him: without his cooperation or with it.
    
    HUTCH: Are you trying to tell me that Luke set this thing up?
    
    WEBSTER: Look, look--
    
    HUTCH: You gotta be crazy!
    
    WEBSTER: I don't like this-
    
    HUTCH: You gotta be out of your mind.
    
    WEBSTER: I feel the same way about this as you.
    
    HUTCH: You're gonna eat this!
    
    STARSKY: Come on. Come on. 
    
    HUTCH: You're gonna eat this.
    
    STARSKY: Come on.
    
    WEBSTER: All right, what is this, a wax museum? Huh? Come on. Come on. Move around so I can see some life in you.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Hotel Dixie**
     
    REUBAN: Yeah?
    
    GLORIA: Mr. Reuban, a Mr. Huntley on your private line.
    
    REUBAN: Thanks, Gloria. I'll take it. (being taped) This is Reuban.
    
    HUNTLEY: I'm at the Hotel Dixie, 206.
    
    REUBAN: So?
    
    HUNTLEY: Don't play games on me, Reuban. I want that 50 grand now.
    
    REUBAN: Sure. Why don't you come down to my office say, around 10 tonight, all right?
    
    HUNTLEY: I prefer this place. Just send your messenger boy over with the money.
    
    REUBAN: It'll take a while to get hold of that much in cash, Huntley.
    
    HUNTLEY: I just heard on the radio Palmer's dead. Either you pay off, or I blow the whistle that you arranged it. What's your choice?
    
    REUBAN: I always pay off. You can count on that.
    
    HUNTLEY: I'll be waiting.
    
    REUBAN: Good. (end) 
    
    GLORIA: Yes, Mr. Reuban.
    
    REUBAN: Gloria, come in for a minute. Hotel Dixie, room 206.
    
    GLORIA: Yes, sir.
    
    REUBAN: Gloria, it's my Uncle Louie's birthday today. Go out and buy him a nice attaché case, okay?
    
    GLORIA: Yes, sir. Will do.
    
    REUBAN: And, Gloria, it's a surprise, you know. So don't leave any names when you buy it.
    
    GLORIA: Understood. I'll bring a receipt. 
    
    REUBAN: Don't bother. Just keep the change.
    
    GLORIA: Thanks.
    
    REUBAN: Get 10 grand from petty cash and put it in the case that Gloria buys. Wear gloves. And when you're through, leave the cash behind. A high-minded cop with too many years on the force and too little to show for it finally breaks down and goes on the take. Only he gets to feeling real bad about it. And when he can't face himself anymore, he puts a bullet in his brain. 
    
    LUCAS: It's a sad story.
    
    REUBAN: Very sad. Give Huntley my regards.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Office**
    
    DOBEY: What do you mean Luke Huntley's missing?
    
    STARSKY: What can I tell you, Cap?
    
    DOBEY: The star witness is dead, Anthony Reuban's out on bail, now an officer's missing. I think you better tell me something.
    
    HUTCH: All right, Captain. We all know Reuban arranged the hit.
    
    DOBEY: We sure do. And he was right in this building--
    
    HUTCH: It was a setup! Reuban's hit man burns Palmer… and then sets up Luke a- as some kind of a patsy. They did it that way to make it look like Luke was involved.
    
    DOBEY: And you wanna know something? They almost got me convinced.
    
    HUTCH: Captain, you don't believe-- The man's been on the force for 25 years. I'll bet my badge on the guy.
    
    DOBEY: I don't want you to bet your badge. Just prove it.
    
    HUTCH: I'm gonna do that, Captain.
    
    STARSKY: Where you going?
    
    HUTCH: I'll be in touch.
    
    DOBEY: What do you think?
    
    STARSKY: What do you think I think? 
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Huntleys' House**
    
    DORIS: Luke called. Wants me to go visit with my sister for a little while.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah? Why is that?
    
    DORIS: Oh, Hutch. Come on. I've been a cop's wife long enough to have learned not to ask any questions.
    
    HUTCH: Uh... when did he call, Doris?
    
    DORIS: Oh, a few hours ago. Why? Is he in trouble?
    
    HUTCH: Where did he call you from?
    
    DORIS: I don't know.
    
    HUTCH: Doris, you're not trying to cover for him, are you?
    
    DORIS: What are you talking about?
    
    HUTCH: Doris...
    
    DORIS: What?
    
    HUTCH: He is in trouble. He's in big trouble. Now, you gotta tell me something, anything, to help me find him before it gets worse. Look, Doris, I've known the man a long time. I love him. You gotta trust me.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Hotel Dixie**
    
    HUNTLEY: Come in.
    
    LUCAS: Ah!
    
    HUNTLEY: Case. Case! Now spread 'em!
    
    LUCAS: Take it easy, cowboy.
    
    HUNTLEY: Mm-hm. It's locked.
    
    LUCAS: Well, I-- I didn't want you to lose the money, you know.
    
    HUNTLEY: Yeah. Come on, keys. Keys! Keep them up. Keep them up. Left hand. Keep it up. Keep it up. Some guys only learn the hard way, huh, Jimmy?
    
    STARSKY: You through? Go ahead. Jimmy Lucas. Reuban's top gun.
    
    HUTCH: Well, he wasn't top this time.
    
    STARSKY: Uh, desk clerk. Thank you.
    
    DESK CLERK: I'm only the clerk. I'm not responsible for any of this.
    
    STARSKY: Nobody says you are, sweetheart. We just want some information.
    
    DESK CLERK: Yeah, I know. The guy that rented out the room called himself Smith.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, so what else is new? Is that the guy they just wheeled out?
    
    DESK CLERK: Oh, no, it was the older guy.
    
    HUTCH: What older guy?
    
    STARSKY: What did he look like?
    
    DESK CLERK: He looked like, uh, a truck driver.
    
    STARSKY: Well, what does that look like?
    
    DESK CLERK: A bartender, heh. A cop with a lot of years. You pick 'em.
    
    HUTCH: Does this look like him?
    
    DESK CLERK: That's him.
    
    HUTCH: Mr. Smith?
    
    DESK CLERK: The one and only. What are you doing with his picture?
    
    STARSKY: Thanks, sweetheart. Like the lady said, where'd you get the picture?
    
    HUTCH: Uh, from his wife. From Doris.
    
    STARSKY: What's going on?
    
    HUTCH: It's like Webster said. It stinks.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Reuban's Office**
    
    GLORIA: Excuse me, Mr. Reuban.
    
    REUBAN: Gloria, I told you I didn't wanna be disturbed. 
    
    GLORIA: I know. But there's this man on the telephone. He says he has a message from Jimmy and--
    
    REUBAN: From Jimmy?
    
    GLORIA: He says he'll hold for 10 seconds. Should I tell him to call back?
    
    REUBAN: No, no. I'll take it.
    
    GLORIA: I'm sorry to have interrupted you. It's just that I thought maybe--
    
    REUBAN: It's all right. Thank you. (on phone) Yeah?
    
    HUNTLEY: Yeah, Reuban. Never send a boy to do a man's job. Your boy, Jimmy, blew it.
    It's gonna cost you.
    
    REUBAN: Huntley, if Jimmy tried any numbers, he did it on his own. I sent him over to give you the money.
    
    HUNTLEY: Uh-huh. So how come, uh, there's only 10,000 in the case?
    
    REUBAN: I'm telling you-
    
    HUNTLEY: I'm telling you, Reuban, we made a deal. And you tried to burn me. And that's gonna cost you the extra 10. I want the other 50,000, cash, delivered by you personally.
    
    REUBAN: I'm not a bank, Huntley. If Jimmy hustled you, that's your problem.
    
    HUNTLEY: Uh-huh. Well, listen good, partner. (plays recording) I just heard on the radio Palmer's dead. Either you pay off, or I blow the whistle that you arranged it. What's your choice?
    
    REUBAN: I always pay off. You can count on that. (end) 
    
    HUNTLEY: I only put in a dime, Reuban, but there's more if you wanna reverse the charges. Hmm? Fifty grand, Reuban. Or I turn it over to the police.
    
    REUBAN: Where? And when?
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Office**
    
    DOBEY: I just find that hard to believe. Doris.
    
    HUTCH: It was their life savings, Captain. The whole thing. And she's still into him for another 12 grand.
    
    DOBEY: But that's dumb. Luke's got 25 years on the force. He should've known better.
    
    HUTCH: Uh, what would you have done? It's the woman that you love. And she loses it all to some punk. Are you gonna sit there and face social security and old-age pension?
    
    DOBEY: That's a tough decision, all right. I pray to God I never have to make it. Any idea where Luke is now?
    
    HUTCH: Nope. No, we figure either the payoff's been made, or Jimmy Lucas double-crossed Luke, and it didn't work.
    
    DOBEY: In which case, Luke is gonna go after Reuban.
    
    HUTCH: I'm sure Reuban figures that, too.
    
    DOBEY: Reuban must be armed up to his eyeballs. You better find Luke first.
    
    HUTCH: On my way, Cap.
    
    
    **Interior Day - Squad Room**
    
    HUTCH: Somebody gonna get the phone? (on phone) Hutchinson.
    
    HUNTLEY: Now, listen, Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: Luke?
    
    HUNTLEY: Look, Hutch… I know you're a cop, and you got the make on me by now, but... I'm talking to you as a… as a family friend who's calling in a favor.
    
    HUTCH: Luke, listen to me. You gotta come in.
    
    HUNTLEY: It's like family, Hutch. It's family. Now, you let me talk, or I hang up and go it alone.
    
    HUTCH: No, no. Go ahead.
    
    HUNTLEY: Okay. Reuban's on his way for the meet now.
    
    HUTCH: No, you can't do that, Luke. Reuban's gonna be carrying more protection than any one man can handle. You know that. 
    
    HUNTLEY: We both know that. I'm only concerned about two things, Hutch: that Doris is taken care of and Reuban gets his.
    
    HUTCH: All right, where are you?
    
    HUNTLEY: Only if you come alone. 
    
    HUTCH: Okay. Okay, alone.
    
    HUNTLEY: Your word?
    
    HUTCH: What? Uh, yeah. Yeah, Luke. My word. Now tell me what's going on. Yeah. Yeah, I know it. I know. I'll be there. Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: I'll tell you on the way. He figures Reuban will bring the money.
    
    STARSKY: He'll bring the money, all right. The question is, what else will he bring?
    
    HUTCH: Look, I promised Doris I'd give her the money.
    
    STARSKY: Well, I think the only thing that Reuban plans to leave there is Luke's body.
    
    HUTCH: Why don't you turn right up here. Go down a couple of blocks and stop. We'll walk from there. Luke doesn't expect me for another 30 minutes.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Warehouse**
    
    HUNTLEY: Stay right where you are.
    
    HUTCH: Luke?
    
    HUNTLEY: I said alone and 30 minutes. You gave your word.
    
    HUTCH: Uh, Luke, you need help. You can't hold Reuban by yourself. You know that.
    
    HUNTLEY: All I wanted you here for, Hutch, was to pick up the pieces. If Reuban tries anything, I'm gonna blow him away.
    
    STARSKY: He won't be coming alone. Don't be a cowboy. We're here. Let us help.
    
    HUNTLEY: So the 50 grand goes into the police fund? No way. You guys don't seem to understand something. That's my life savings. He owes it to me. And he owes it… to my Doris. I mean, what's she supposed to live on?
    
    HUTCH: Now, who says she'll want to live at all, Luke… without you?
    
    HUNTLEY: Get out of sight. Both of you. Look-- Please get out of sight! This is my game, let me play. Let me make it. Come on.
    
    REUBAN: Huntley?!
    
    HUNTLEY: Yeah, over here.
    
    REUBAN: Go ahead.
    
    HUNTLEY: Your boys keep moving… and I won't tell you where the tape is.
    
    REUBAN: How are we handling this, Huntley?
    
    HUNTLEY: The money. Put it on the crate, under the light.
    
    REUBAN: Fifty thousand. You can count it.
    
    HUNTLEY: I intend to.
    
    REUBAN: Where's the tape?
    
    HUNTLEY: After I count.
    
    REUBAN: It's all there.
    
    HUNTLEY: You're a real prize, Reuban. You prey on lonely people. You take away their future.
    
    REUBAN: Save it for Sunday school. Now, the tape. Where are you going?  
    
    HUNTLEY: To get what you came for.
    
    REUBAN: Keep him company.
    
    (Fight ensues.)
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Warehouse**
    
    HUNTLEY: Please! Please! Please! Please!
    
    
    **Interior - Night - The Pits**
    
    HUGGY: All right, Captain.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, it's really nice of you to come out and spend a night with the troops, Cap.
    
    DOBEY: Mm-hm.
    
    HUTCH: Say, you got any word on Luke?
    
    DOBEY: Well, we're doing all we can. But you know he's gonna have to serve some time.
    
    STARSKY: You didn't come down here to tell us that.
    
    DOBEY: As a matter of fact, no, I didn't. I thought I'd come down and pick myself up some chump change.
    
    HUTCH: Chump change.
    
    DOBEY: You know, in my younger days, they used to call me the Southside Stickman.
    
    STARSKY: No kidding. The ghetto's answer to Minnesota Fats.
    
    HUTCH: Well, you got the second part right. You're not from Minnesota, are you, Cap?
    
    HUGGY: Hey, will you guys shut up and let my man shoot?
    
    DOBEY: All right, all right, all right. I'm gonna put the eight ball in the corner pocket for the match and the game. And for $10 from the white boys in the corner.
    
    STARSKY: Sorry, Captain. Must have been those ribs I had for lunch. 
    
    HUTCH: Or maybe that avocado omelet. 
    
    STARSKY: Or those jalapeño peppers. Man, they were something. They were--
    
    DOBEY: Starsky!
    
    STARSKY: Go right ahead, Cap.
    
    HUTCH: Oop. You don't expect me to drink out of the bottle, do you, Captain?
    
    HUGGY: Mm-hm.
    
    DOBEY: Now, look, I wanna tell you two something. I know you're doing all this to make me blow this shot. But it ain't gonna happen, baby. And my man here's got $5 to say so.
    
    HUGGY: What?
    
    STARSKY: Care to make it 10?
    
    DOBEY: Five will do. Rackman. 
    
    STARSKY: Rackman. Nice shot, Stickman.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, graceful. Ever so graceful. 
    
    END


End file.
